Checks and balances...

IR goes to church now every Sunday morning at about 9am, and doesn't get back around here till about 2pm or 2:30. There's 5 points right there.

Next, each Sunday afternoon when he gets back, he does the dishes that he's piled up over the last week. (At least he puts them in the dishwasher, they'll get done once it's full.) There's 5 more points.

After that, he gets a big plate of something and plops down on his couch and begins to feed. This is always accompanied by a litany of slurps, smacks and burps. Ooops.. -5 points.

During the feeding, he commences to changing the channels on the TV regardless of what's on, or if I'm watching it. -10 points.

A further 10 points are lost by his consistently surprised reactions once he notices the look of disgust on my face as I get up to go do something else and he has to ask, "Oh, were you watching that?" Normally, when someone is sitting facing the tv, and it's on, it means they're watching it.

So, by 2:30pm each Sunday, and only after about 10 minutes of exposure, IR has built up a negative 15 points on the Annoy-O-Meter. (Negative points are counted as 'high' on the Annoy-O-Meter.)

WHYYYYYYYYY MCA!

I guess the Lord is bein good to IR. He was talking early this afternoon about getting in shape (you know, the whole 'your body is a temple' thing) and describing how he's been watching what he eats (yeah, all the way from the plate to his face).

So, he went out this evening and bought 2 pairs of shoes, (one pair of cross-trainers and a pair of 'running shoes'), a gym bag, gym clothes, a membership at the WHYMCA, and.....












an extra large pizza.


*sigh*

Gotta give a loud shout out to....

Countville.com

The people who run it are top notch. If you need a website counter with lots of really nice features, give them a shot. You won't be sorry!

You know what they can't do......

*preface* I'm sitting here at the computer. "Becker" is on the TV.



Down the stairs he comes, plops down on the couch, waits a minute then....

IR - "Well, you know they can't let Iran get nukes."

Me - "Uhh.. What?"

IR - "Iran. They can't let'em get nukes."

Me - "............No, I suppose not."





???????????

It's a bad day to be IR....

I had to call IR down a little while ago, and I don't believe he's particularly happy about it. (Now, ask me if I care?)

He was about to put "The Day After Tomorrow" on the tv earlier, and my daughter said "Momma said I couldn't watch that." to which IR responded, "hm. Let's see.... (looks at back of DVD box for rating and such) Not rated for violence, language or anything like that, only for 'extreme scenes of peril'. heee eeeheeeeee eeee eeee eheeeee That should be okay." Then he proceeds to put the DVD into the player.
I was in the kitchen through this, watching with interest. I waited until he actually put the disc in before I ventured out to say something.

Me - "Don't you have a DVD player up in your room?"

IR - "Didja catch that? It's rated PG13 because of 'extreme scenes of peril', not language or violence. heeee ee e e e eeeeeeheeeeee"

Me - "I think I heard her say that her mother doesn't want her watching it."

IR - "meh. It should be okay, huh?" **The 'meh' thing is kindof a grunt type thing that he's started using recently to voice disproval.**

Me - "As far as I can tell, you were given your answer before you decided to just go ahead and put the damned thing in anyway."

IR - "But, it doesn't ha...."

Me - "I don't give a damn what it does or doesn't have! It's not your decision to make! You're welcome to take it up to your room and watch it, or wait until she's gone and watch it down here, but you won't push the play button on it while she's here, got it!?"

IR - *gruuuunt* (up off the couch) "Well, hm."

Then he simply turns off the XBox, puts on Disney Channel, grunts back down on his couch and sulks.

Efforts... must prove.... fruitful... (William Shatner voice)

IR came down this morning, all doodied up for the church thing. I decided that the proper course of action this morning, was to inquire about the 7th Day Adventist Church.

Me - "Off to church, eh?"

IR - "Yeah, gotta put in my service for the week."

Me - "Hm. hm... (I love doing that from time to time...) Ya know, I was doin some research on the whole church thing and was wonderin if you'd ever looked into the 7th Day Adventist Church?"

IR - "Yeah, but they didn't exactly, ya know, conform to my beliefs."

Me - "Orilly? (<--HAH!) That's kinda odd. From the research I did, they really seemed like the perfect church for the kind of things that you've spent so much time researching."

IR - "Well, ya know, that's just research, not necessarily what I, ya know, believe. I want to be able to get all the information I can, from every angle possible."

Me - "Even better then. The 7th Day Adventists can help you get those different angles a lot better than a straight laced Baptist church. Thier entire belief system is based on the end of the world. Ya know, the Rapture, Armageddon and all that."

IR - "Well, I just want to make sure that my efforts prove, ya know, fruitful."

Me - "Good enough, and good luck."

IR - "hm."

Hold me... I'm skeered.

*cue Twilight Zone™ music*

The BUNKER OF LIGHT is dark tonight. Eerily dark. Since my arrival this evening, there has been no trace of the IR outside of his bunker, with the exception of the HUGE bag of chocolate candies that's missing from his couch of fatitudinal greatness. None of the normal sounds have reassuringly emanated from the bunker, such as James Earl Jones' narration of The Bible, or Charleton Heston's booming voice calling for the parting of the Red Sea, or the cheesy 70's style "chika chika beow beow" pr0n music that's been known to escape the hallowed place from time to time. (Purely by accident, I'm sure....)

Something is odd this fine evening. Something not right.............. at all.

*enables downstairs zealot alarm system*

Update

Nothing new to report really, except that I've decided that the "cave" needs a new name.

Judging by the complete turnaround from ahgruh/wookie slayer to religious-zealot-intent-on-surviving-the-end-of-the-world, I think I shall now call his space....


**THE BUNKER OF LIGHT**

So, whaddya think?

The survival instinct is strong with this one.....

IR went out shopping again tonight, and was quite proud of his acquisitions.. He came in with bags o'goodies and just had to show them off.
In the bags he had..

A hiking backpack
signal mirror
waterproof matches
cable saw
fire starting blocks (2)
survival kit (in a sardine can, no shit....)


Now, upon seeing all this, I had to ask a few questions...

Me - "So, where you goin camping?"

IR - "Oh, nowhere.."

Me - "....... Ohhh.. Is this for the Rapture thing?"

IR - "NO!" (This being said in a VERY high pitched squeal, and immediately when my sentence was finished.)

Me - "heheh.. Okaaayy..."

If all this wasn't so damned funny, it'd be sad...

It's official....

IR is a church goer.. He's inflict... I mean, enlisted himself into one of the bigger Baptist churches in the area and I can only imagine what's going to become of said membership once he feels comfortable enough to start speaking out about his beliefs.

Understand first, that I'm not a believer in organized religion. I believe it's wholly counter productive to the belief system that it's supposed to enhance. But, beyond all that.... Can you imagine what it will be like for poor IR?

*imaginary conversation*

IR - "So, what are your thoughts on the, ya know, Rapture and the fact that it's right around the corner?"

Anonymous Churchy - "Huh?"

IR - "Well, I've been, ya know, researching a lot about it, and I've figured out that the aliens, which we all know are visiting us, are going to be the ones to bring on the ya know, Apocalypse."

Anonymous Churchy - "Okaaayy...... Helen, kids? C'mon, it's time to go."

Helen - "But honey, we just got here. The kids haven't done the scripture grab bag yet."

Anonymous Churchy - "Don't argue now sweetheart, believe me, it's time to go!" to IR - "We really must be going, my dog is sick and I need to trim the weeds around the back fence."

IR - "Orilly? hm.. hm." <-- stands there with that intense look on his face, that looks kinda like old Marlon Brando, constipated.

Anonymous Churchy - "Ok then. Bye now!" *poof*

IR - upon finding another churchy... "So, what are your thoughts on the, ya know, Rapture and the fact that it's right around the corner?"





Do they have blacklists in churches?

Survivor, the home game.

I almost forgot to mention this..

Apparently, in his zeal to survive the coming "Rapture", IR has began stocking up on survival gear. So far, I know that he's bought about 6 or 8 cases of bottled water, 2 long life flashlights, and 1 or 2 magnesium fire starting kits. I'm fairly sure there's much more up there in the cave of light, too...

Classic IR...

IR sits behind me currently watching a marching band competition. Throughout, he's proclaimed how he's always enjoyed watching these things.
The announcers were just speaking about 2 of the bands, saying that they were both top notch contenders and both had a chance at victory, which brought about this response from IR;

IR - (to TV) "Yeah, but I still bet only one of'em wins."

Longest conversation ever with IR....

I stand corrected...

My sincere apologies to "PoorBastidge" for doubting his story. (But if you knew him, you'd have no problem understanding why I would... He's a bigger goof than me!"





Just had a little chat with IR about a story I heard about in the comments of the post under this one, and it went something like this.

Me - "So, tell me about why you think I'm scared of you.?

IR - "Huh? Oh.. Ohh... I went by ********* ******** the other day and saw *****. I told him that I found Christ. (Not Jesus as previously reported apparently......:P) I don't think I used the word 'scared', but I meant that you just don't want me rambling."

Me - "Hell, I don't want anybody rambling. I just find it odd that that somehow got equated to fear. I mean, I fear FOR you at times.

IR - "heeeeeheeeeeeee heeeee eeeeee"

Me - "Seriously. There are times that you go waaaay over the edge with some of this stuff. Like the "codes in the printout" thing.

IR - "I've still got that, too. heeee hheeee Ya know, I'm just curious about it."

Me - "What's there to be curious about? It's a printout from either a corrupted printer spool or a corrupted que. There's nothing codish about it."

IR - "Well, I'm just, ya know, curious. I don't really expect to find anything."

Me - "Then there's the night you came down with a rather wild look on your face, telling me about the anti-Christ walkin around."

IR - "Yeah, I do get a little too involved at times with some things."

Me - "Those are the things that equate to fear if you wish to call it that, but it's not fear for me."

IR - "Hm. Well, I'll get a grip on it all. I just have so much to, ya know, learn."

Me - "Learning is fine. But learn the damn story, not what you think is supposed to be hidden under it. You're gonna miss the entire message that way."

IR - "Hm. Well, all I can do is learn it all."

Well THAT was weird.....

I got up a little early this morning, took a shower, then came back down here and started browsing the news sites. (I do that pretty much every morning, but this was at about 6:30am.)

I hear IR come tromping down the stairs, walk across the living room area, and stop.



Right behind me....



And stand there....



Not saying a word....


I turned my head a little to where I could see his shadow on the wall to my left (almost expecting to see a shadow with arm raised, holding a cross or something in attack mode), and say...


Me - "Can I help you?"

IR - "Oh! Nah.."

Me - ".................Is there some reason you need to stand right there?"

IR - *Thuds into kitchen without another word, then out the door to work.*



I think I'll be keeping my knife closeby from now on...

So, you remember when.......

IR bebopped through the door today, obviously happy with himself about something.

IR - "Remember the movie I've been telling you about? The one I keep, ya know, askin 'have you seen it have you seen it have you seen it'? Well, I found it. Well, I say I found it, I happened across it. Streets of Fire. So, I couldn't pass it up."

Me - *Bewildered because I've never heard him mention this movie... Ever.* "Okay."

IR - "Well, ya know, this is the one I've been wanting to see for a while now."

Me - "Good deal, but I don't remember ever hearing about that one."

IR - "Orilly? hm. Thought I'd mentioned it. Anyhow, I got it!"

Me - "............ So I hear."

And so I went back to my game of golf. [Tiger Woods 2005 is a must for any of you people who like golf games.]

*sigh* Here we go again.....

I thought he had gotten over this thing, but I've been proven incorrect.


I was making soup this afternoon, potato and steak. It's very tasty.
IR comes into the kitchen, grabs up a microwave bag of popcorn, looks at the stove and....


IR - "Cheese?"

Me - "..........."

*IR Looks harder, about 6 inches away now.*

IR - "Nooooooodles."

Me - "........ It's potato soup. There's not a noodle in it."

IR - "Oh. hm."

Then fires up his first lunch of the day, a scrumptious bag of nuclear popcorn.

You're getting warmer....

There was a tv show on this evening, in which a pair of characters were outside during winter complaining about the bitter cold.

At one point, it started snowing, to which IR said..

IR - "Well? It warms up once it starts snowing."


Now, I don't care if it really does warm up once snow starts to fall.....



He was talking to the TV again.

Let's have a debate, shall we?

I got home from work tonight to find IR down here with another of his God movies blaring on the TV. I walked past and sat down at the computer, grabbed my headphones and fired up some DOPE.







Nooo... The musical group DOPE, ya dope. Look'em up, pretty rockin stuff.

IR turned off the movie and went upstairs much to my relief. However, about a half hour ago he came back down and turned it back on.

Back go the headphones, and up goes the music...

Even with the music blarin I could hear IR talkin to and laughin at the TV. (What there was to laugh at I have no idea, but there it was...) I pulled one earpeice off to listen.

There was some Goderiffic narrator talking about some ancient city and IR was actually CORRECTING HIM!

Narrator - "Archeologists have found the remains of 30 cities on this site, each one built on top of the other."

IR - "No you idiot! They found 29!"

Narrator - "This site is said to be host to the future world ending battle known as 'The War of the Great Day Of God Almighty' ".

IR - "Man! Get something right! The 'Battle of Armageddon'! The Battle of ARMAGEDDON!!!"

There were a few more small ones, but the ones above were the ones that almost made me lose it. I think what happened was, IR started watching this, then went upstairs to 'research' it, only coming back down when he thought he had enough information to properly debate it with the TV.




*sigh*

Reparations... I wonder if I'm eligible...

I don't think I've ever run across someone that's as irritating to be around as IR. As of now, he sits behind me feeding his face, smacking every mouthful and doing some heavy breathing excercises in between.
He just fired up some God movie down here too. Not up in his cave like it should be. It's time for those cigars.

Earlier, when he came in, he asked about stuff he'd heard about Iraq.

IR - "Didja hear anything about Iraq today?"

Me - "Nothing more than the normal round of killings."

IR - "They said they just ran in and killed 100 insurgents, which I find impossible to believe. I mean, ya know, if they killed 100 insurgents, then they probably killed 900 civilians, right?"

Me - "Did they say they did?"

IR - "Well, no, but they're naturally not going to, ya know, report that."

Me - "So, what do you think changed? They've been doing more reporting on civilian deaths than any other for the last year. That's the nature of our liberal media."

IR - "Oh, well, that was before. Lately they haven't said anything about it, no doubt, ya know, to hide the true numbers of innocent people they kill."

Me - "That was before, what, exactly?"

IR - "Well, ya know, before the government told the reporters to stop reporting on that stuff, ya know, to help keep the, ya know, dissention here at home lessened."

Me - "When did they tell them that? I obviously missed it."

IR - "Well, you know they did, that's why we don't hear about it anymore."

Me - "Ohhhhh.. Gotcha."

Hey, I'm not TOTALLY insensitive...

I went out and did some shopping today, and got one of IR's favorite things in the whole wide world.


Viva paper towels by Kleenex.

Last time I bought'em he railed for 15 minutes about how absorbent and wonderful they were. During this shopping trip I figured, hey, it's been about 8 months now, I'll buy'em again.

So ya see, I'm not ALWAYS an asshole.



********************************************
On a side note, I was on ICQ last night with a good friend of mine and I thought I'd share some of the comments. (He lives across the parking lot from me, and knows IR personally.)

[21:53] xxhimxx: I See the IRB is BOOMIN!
[22:02] xxmexx: No shite..
[22:03] xxhimxx: you even have plenty of comments
[22:03] xxhimxx: AND DOUBTERS!!!
[22:03] xxhimxx: Amazing
[22:03] xxmexx: You wanna go dispel some of those doubters?
[22:03] xxhimxx: LOL
[22:04] xxhimxx: Ok

So, I expect you guys and gals will likely get some form of appraisal of the situation from him soon.

Early morning insanity.....

It seems that IR was up too late on "God-Watch" or something, and didn't go in to work today.

He thumped his way downstairs a few minutes ago, reaching the bottom step with a loud, annoying yawn.

IR - "EERRRRAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRR... I guess I'll hang out here today."

Me - "Not gonna bother goin to work, huh?"

IR - "Well, it's not that I'm not gonna, ya know, bother. I was up kinda late doin some research."

Me - *Debates on whether to ask about what kind of research......... Decides, no.* "So, in other words, you're not gonna bother."

IR - "Well, ya know, I'm just really tired."

Me - "A result of your own actions though, right? Doesn't sound very fair to the people at work, does it."

IR - "Well, I wouldn't say they're all my actions, I take orders from a, ya know, higher place."

Me - "What, like extra fries and a coke?"

IR - "heeeeh heeeh heeeeeeeh Nooo, more like I was.... How can I say this... Well, I had this feeling of someone, or something wanting me to learn about Moses. Ya know, who he was and why he was chosen to lead God's people."

Me - "Ok, and did you learn what you needed to?"

IR - "I suppose I'll find out soon enough. I'll probably get another sign, or, ya know, feeling about it tonight."

Me - "At least tonight you won't have to worry about missing work tomorrow because of it."

IR - "hm."