A stupid commercial?

"Ya know, *smack smack*, I bet somewhere there's a group of *smack smack* about, ya know, 50 people all sitting around sayin 'Ya know, I wonder if somebody can, ya know, come up with an idea for a STUUPID commercial.' Then they're like sayin, ya know, 'OOOH I CAN I CAN!'"


I can... Put 'IR' in ANY commerical.

Gotta do something about that....

Walks up to thermostat..

"Damn, this thing's gone insane."

Then, looks into the AC room.

"Hm. Gotta do something about that."



Then, leaves.



Lazy stupid bastard. *The AC unit freezes up every so often. It's common knowledge, since I've told him 3 or 4 times now, that you have to turn the friggen thing OFF when it does that, so it'll de-ice the coils. But noooooooooooooooo....

While watching "The Patriot".....

Watching one of Mel Gibson's "speech" parts..

"Bein British and all, he does a pretty good American."




...............

Silence........

Not much to report lately, which sucks for the blogging business..


But.........



It's GREAT for me! Peace and quiet, oh man it's good....

Man, those Iraqis would have it made!

"Man, those Iraqi's would have it made, ya know, if they came to, ya know, New York and... uhh.. ya know, had 3 piece suits.
They could, ya know, smuggle like bags of, ya know, money."



*This after watching COPS on tv, which was filmed in Boston... What the hell that had to do with Iraqis or New York, I have absolutely no idea....

Beef franks... A difference?

IR "I bought beef franks this time. Think it'll, ya know, make a difference?"

Me "A difference in what?"

IR "Well, I noticed that the pork ones, ya know, didn't have too much flavor in'em, so I went with beef this time."

Me "You actually LOOK for a difference in HOTDOGS??"

IR "Well, ya know, I wanna get the best for my money."

I figured this out some time ago.....

Just thought to publish it though..


IR is one of those types that 'needs' to talk. About anything I guess, as long as he gets to talk, apparently to convince people of his extreme intelligence. (Or lack thereof...)

His habit of saying something that he's got to know makes no sense without accompanying explanation proves this.

ie- Nonsensical comment = wtf? = explanation of nonsensical comment

I don't understand the need for doing this, but I strongly suspect it's got a phobia attached to it somewhere. Ignoramusophobia? In any case, I've learned to simply leave out the "wtf?" part, thereby denying him the opportunity to give the explanation.

It may seem rude to some, but it gives me a little more peace and quiet, and makes for some nice blog entries.. :)

No0bs=plague

*Walks downstairs....


"Man, sometimes n0obs can be like the plague." This obviously came from a rousing session of Star Wars Galaxies, which he's picked up temporarily in leiu of EverQuest. I suspect his "Dancer" character got besieged by new players asking questions about Wookies or something...









Again, I did nothing to acknowledge this.

Additional Information....

Another thing I forgot to mention in the initial post, was that his first noticable idiomatic trait was the phrase "You know what I'm sayin?".
He used it liberally, (no doubt a result of his "How to Sound Intelligent" training...) and continued to do so until I started responding in the middle of his sentences with "No, I have no idea what you're saying.".
I think the "ya know" portions of his auditory expressionism will have to meet the same fate.

Ya know...

"Ya know... If I got swapped into a... ya know... 10 year old's.. ya know... body..



Do ya think there'd be time to... ya know... run away?"

Again... Innocuous statements at thier best....

**Comes downstairs, walks into the kitchen, gets cup of coffee, walks back to stairs...


IR - "Wait, it's not Batman, it's CATWOMAN!"




*No, I didn't ask, nor even acknowledge.....

CHOOOOOOOS!

Yet another day...

Walks in the door, and.... "CHOOOOOOOOOOOS!"


Me - "What the hell?"


IR - "CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!1"


So, I've learned by now, and just go back to what I was doing...



IR - "I got a 5 pound can of cashews at Sams..."

NAPOLEEEE!!!!

Walks in door, and fairly yells out... "NAPOLEEEEEEE!!"

I turn around, and say "Excuse me?"

"NAPOLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"


"What the hell are you babbling about?"



"Oh, I just got Monopoly for the X-Box."

No question....

After watching a commercial about Crest toothpaste I think it was, where the actor goes "BAM! BAM! BAM!" while brushing his teeth....


"Well, there's no question about who his favorite Flintstone character is...."

While watching "Trading Places" on TV....

At one point they had a shot which showed the World Trade Center..


IR - "Oh that's why they're showing this... The WTC!"

Wisdom, and Intelligence......

"There's a fine line between wisdom and intelligence. It's kinda like having a great idea, and not being able to convey it."

And he walked into the room..........

"You know it's funny, the whole time he's on TV it's "liberals liberals liberals", but then on his radio show it's "black this and black that".



**I have no damned idea wtf he's talking about, and no, I'm NOT going to ask. That'll just make him talk more.

I swear......

I think this guy had to have gotten a book or video on "How to Sound Intelligent", but ended up being too lazy to finish it. I saw a Disney TV show in which a somewhat goofy older brother got a video on "How to sound intelligent". It gave him keyphrases and words to use that would make people think he was a person capable of deep thought. I've gotta find it on the 'net.. I know it's there.......

Did I mention, he's also a complete slob?
As of today, the sink is chock full of his dishes, forks, spoons, etc that have been steadily piling up for 2 weeks now. I've taken to keeping a few spoons, forks, etc seperate for my use only...

He likes to use $20 words that I'd swear he has no idea of their meaning. He lived in Texas for a while, so everything around here simply HAS to be compared to "Well, when I was in Texas..." But, the reason he left Texas, and I quote....

"I got tired of people not understanding the big words I use."

While watching the video of the American Hostage beheading...

As they showed the terrorist holding the head up for the camera.


"Oh, he's still awake...."

Sprechen ze englais?

Watching "Extreme makeover, Home Edition"...

Lady announcer - "Here's the humidor that Ben built just for you guys!"


IR - "What's that, a humidor?"

Lady Announcer - "We've filled it with a collection of fine cigars from Peru, and all around the world!"


IR - "Are those cigars in there?"

*sigh*

IR - "Didja hear about Ryans (restaurant name)? Sad thing, it burned down."


**Not really, they just changed the name to "FireHouse Grill", but I'm not gonna tell him....

What the hell?

Walks in to see a church show on the television. (It was just on, I wasn't paying any attention...)



"What the hell's he talkin about?"

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.....

I've never run across someone more in denial about their vices... It's friggen crazy the way he attempts to remove himself from his true idiocy.


*Drinks about 8-10 16oz beers per night.
"I don't get drunk, I get buzzed." "Beer is just a beverage, but it's a beverage with a bonus. It's better than soda cause it doesn't rot your teeth."

*Eats 2 full plates of food per night, after a full breakfast and lunch. Dinner usually consists of 40-50 fish sticks, or 2 cans of chili and 4 slices of bread.
"I looked over that bread you made in the bread maker, but it didn't look too healthy."
"I try to eat as healthy as possible."
"I wish I was thin again."

*After getting 4-5 viruses on his computer, and finally having to admit that he goes to porn sites. "Well, what you call porn sites, I call sites that just happen to have good lookin women on them."

Highly Intelligent?

"A guy I worked with once told me, 'You seem to be highly intelligent, what are you doing working here?' "


*This while he was working at a golf course, doing maintenance on golf carts.
My answer to that guy would be; ..............................duh?*

Brothers.... Yeah, that's it...

"Keifer Sutherland and Charlie Sheen. They're brothers, right?"

Mongo like chili!

"I can eat all the chili I want tonight, since I ate those navy beans last night."

Gravity and Magentism, or gravity=magnetism?

"We are still stuck with fuel propulsion because we know so little about gravity and magentism. Since gravity is magnetism, we'll never get to know all we can about travelling at the speed of light because we'll never learn enough about magnetism."

Ahhh.. a patriot!

"Now, I'm a patriot, but I don't hold it against the American people...."