Today's healthy, dietary goodness brought to you by.....

Burger King

Home of the Double Whopper and extra large fries! (and a diet Coke!)


Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun to watch!

There are reasons I really don't care for IR.....

Most of'em are pretty damned good too.

Here's one now!


IR came back in from his trip out and about a little while ago. He asked two questions.

The first...


IR - "So, uhh.. You been keepin up with the, ya know, election stuff in, uhhhhh, Iraq, right?"

Me - "Yup"

Now then, I'm not going to give you the next question, I'm going to let you guess it.

What do you think his first question regarding my knowledge of the election in Iraq was?

Oh yeah... The whole diet/exercise thing is right on schedule..

IR burped his way in the door a few minutes ago with another Bag-O-Doom from McDonalds. I actually laughed out loud when he walked in, and again when he unwrapped teh DOUBLE 1/4 pounder and biggie sized fries.

So now he sits back there sounding like a dozen starving bears, and I've got a little Rammstein jammin in the headphones. I see a whole lotta bloggin in the very near future.. :)




*Edit* Only 1/2 hour since the double burger disappeared in a hail of smickity smacks, and he's already breathing heavily over a big bowl full of granola cereal. Good Gawd!

Here we go again...

Apparently, going to the YMCA was too much trouble for IR (he hasn't been since about 2 weeks after buying the year long membership), so he's now going to try working out at home. He came home earlier with two 25 pound dumbells, a workout mat, and a chin-up bar. (As if any of the doorframes in here could hold him up....)

The mat and bar have gone upstairs, but the dumbells mysteriously stayed down here. Too much work to take them all the way upstairs?

Ah well, this should turn out to be pretty interesting as he's just come back in with a big Bag-O-Doom from McDonalds. It's starting off normally so far as I can see...

Superior Relationships?

IR just thudded downstairs and made a grand show of standing near the door holding a couple of what I guess were rented movies.
He stood there holding them with the title edges facing out at chest level for a minute or so while talking to the tv. (had to make sure they were seen and all....)

One was a Jesus movie of some sort, the other was titled "Superior Relationships". (Probably prefaced with "How to Build" or something...)

Now, I have to wonder. IR only interacts with the people at his church once or twice a week, and the people at work. Could he have a little ahgrish female on the side somewhere?
I'm curious to see if he tries any of it's most likely completely non-functional drivel around me. It should be a hoot!

10 year old ownage part deux.

Gotta love kids... They say what's on thier minds without pause. It's really pretty cool.

Tonight, my little girl layed it down on IR not once, but twice!

First, was when he came home from wherever he went today and settled in to a light dinner of 4 hotdogs. Not regular hotdogs, but chili cheese dogs.

IR - "smickity smackity smack smack smack"

IR - "smackity snarf smack smick"

10 yo - "Gawwwww! I've never seen anyone eat that much. You're gonna die."

IR - "eeeeeheeeehe eeeeeh eeheeeeee No. Not yet. smackity smick smick smack"

10 yo - "Didn't anyone ever teach you to chew with your lips closed? My daddy would yell at me for making that much noise when I ate."

Me - *dyin*

IR - "hm. Well, SMACK SMACK, I like to chew my food completely."

10 yo - "That's what you're supposed to do, but with your lips closed. Like this." *mimics closed mouth chewing*

IR - "hm." *Then closes his mouth to continue chewing.*

Me - *Had to go into the kitchen, then to the bathroom to hide the pain in my gut from holding in the guffaws.*


Later in the evening, my daughter pulled out some balloons and started goofin off with'em. Blowing them up and letting them *bra-a-a-a-a-a-p-p* around the room. IR grabbed one up and started blowing it up, intending to jump in on the festivities. After about the tenth "haaaaaaa-shooooooooooooo" she said....

10 yo - "That's gonna blow up in your face."

IR - "Nah... haaaaa-shoooooooooooBOOM!"

10 yo - "That was stupid. I told ya it was gonna blow up in your face."

IR - "hm.. Ah well, it must've had a weak spot."

Me - *back in the kitchen again....*

Wowzers!

Apparently ole IR was in the mood for a snack when he got home today. Let me explain how I know this...

Last week, he did what most of us would call shopping, which for him is more like hauling product cross country. It's a virtual truckload each time. This time, one set of items in particular are the focus here. A 36 pack of hotdogs (pork) and 2 12 packs of buns. I noticed last night (cause the huge packages are hard to ignore) that thus far, niether had been touched.
Today when I got home, I went into the kitchen to make a sandwich and had to doubletake at the top package of buns. It was nearly empty! Only 4 buns remained out of the 12 pack. I opened the fridge to grab the ham, and WHAM! One 6pack of hotdogs gone, the other half empty.
Even for IR, that's pretty shocking...

Holleeeeeeeee SHIT!

Now this.... This is simply unbelievable.

IR is doin the 'sick' thing cause he doesn't want to go in to work tomorrow.

His boss wasn't home earlier, and doesn't have an answering machine so IR couldn't leave him a message.

Now, I'm thinkin.....

In the morning, before work should start, give him a ring and let him know, right?


Noooooooo....


Try this on for size instead.


Wait till 11:45 at night, go get in your car, drive to work to retrieve the Nextel radio, send an ALERT TO YOUR BOSSES RADIO, INTERRUPT WHATEVER HE'S DOING, and let him know that you won't be in tomorrow.

Hey, that's fair right? As long as you don't have to get up in the morning to make the call?

Spaghetti?

So here I was, sitting here mindin my bidness, eatin my roast beef, gravy and taters when the newly "sick" IR pipes up behind me...

(s)IR - sniffsniiiiiiiffsnufffsniff......... Spaghetti?


Me - ".....No."

(s)IR - "Well, snuuufffsniffsniff.. I smell somethin at least."

Me - "Your sniffsniffsniffer's still outta whack."

(s)IR - "(cough cough) I guess so."

Oh damn....

IR has discovered GUM!


Yes, gum. The chewy sweet treat that can be smicked and smacked all....day.....long....

So that means, the 20 minutes of each day when he doesn't have a bowl, platter or other container of food under his chin, he can continue his favorite pastime.


Craaaap.

Bloody amazing!

So, IR brought home another batch of movies and more ice cream tonight. It's simply inconceivable that someone can eat this much. Since the movie began, he's gone through a BIG bowl of ice cream, then a bag of popcorn, now another BIG bowl of ice cream slathered in chocolate and caramel syrup..
The 1/2 gallon he bought is OVER 1/2 gone already. *EDIT* Sorry, I mis-typed that.. Over 1/2 of the GALLON he bought is gone... In TWO bowl's worth...

He commented earlier....

IR - "It's gonna be, ya know, hard to get back on my diet. Well, I say diet, but back to eating healthy. Ya know, without all the sweet stuff."

Now, bear in mind that no less than two 5+ pound bags of mixed candies have disappeared around here over the last couple of months, not to mention the more recent spate of ice cream demolitions.

It's damned scary...

Pretty grapey??

DTS and...


IR - "sniff sniffsniffsniff Smells pretty grapey in here."

Me - "Grapey?"

IR - "sniffsniff sniff sniffsniff hm. Yeah, definately grapey."

Me - "I think your sniffsniffsniffer's out of whack. Nothing grapey has been around here that I've seen."

IR - "hm. Wonder what, sniffsniffsniff, that is?"

Me - "You got me. I don't smell anything but my hot chocolate."

IR - "Ohhh I see. That must be what it is!"

Me - "Hot chocolate smells 'grapey'?"

IR - Well, ya know, from across the room it's hard to, ya know, tell."

Me - "Okaaay.."

Wanna guess?

1 week later, and everything was cleaned out of there about 5 days ago...



In this time period, I've seen the following devoured..

3 - 1/2 gallons of ice cream.
2 - Bags of granola cereal.
4 - Barf Bags of McDonalds (supersized)
2 - Big bags of animal crackers
9 - Bags of nuclear popcorn
2 - 2 pound cans of nuts (CHOOOOS and regular spanish)
1 - Bundt style lemon cake (Gone in ONE day...)
And whatever else I haven't seen go on up in the Bunker.

And the latest claim is that he's gained no weight over the holiday period....

Riiiiigghhttt............