So I found it funny.... Sue me.

Noticed tonight that the cable was goin kinda slow, so naturally I went and reset the cable modem, not thinking of what might be goin on up in the cave.


About 5 seconds after total disconnect, I hear...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! FUCKIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"




I almost lost it laughin. I bet he was goin on a long wookie trek or hunt with some other asshats or somethin.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

For the first time, EVER, IR washed his dishes right after using them!!!




It was a glorious day for IRdom until it was noticed that there was still a weeks worth of his dishes that remained in the other side of the sink.

Now, why didn't I think of that??

Last night, I explained to IR why the AC kept fouling up. In very plain language, making sure to speak v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, I explained how the inside fan would for some reason stop blowing while the compressor outside continued to run. This makes the lines between the 2 freeze up and the entire system is fouled up until it thaws out.

So, this evening, he comes downstairs for the feeding©, and says...

IR - "I think I figured out why the AC keeps freezing up. The compressor, ya know, keeps uhhh, running after the fan inside stops. Then it all ices up, ya know, and freezes up the compressor."

"NO WAY!" I exclaim. *pause* "Isn't that the exact same thing I told you last night?"

IR - "Hm. Well.... hm. I thought you meant the fan stopped running?"

Me - "Isn't that what you just said?"

IR - "Oh. Well, yeah, I guess so."




You have no idea how hard it is for me to keep from just goin "DUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH??" and doing the tard dance at him every day.

Topping off...

Well, tonight I finally had to ask. I've seen too much gluttony not to.

Me - "I have to ask this. How, since you eat so much damned food in the first place, can you open up a huge can of cashews or a 2 pound bag of Doritoes and continue to chow down?"

IR - "Oh, just topping off the meal. I don't like to feel, ya know, hungry because I didn't get full."





Holeee shat. Picture this, would ya?

A dinner plate, completely covered 3 stacks deep with fish sticks.
or
2 hamburgers, a pile of tater-tots covering the rest of the plate.
or
A bowl containing 2 cans of chili and between 4 and 8 pieces of bread.



Who wouldn't be filled up by any 1 of those? I would've said a sumo wrestler before seeing IR work on some food.

*EDIT* I guess it doesn't hurt to have a huge square gut hanging about 18 inches out in front of you either, does it?

THUDTHUDTHUDTHUD Pizza?

Ordered pizza tonight. Told wookie boy it would be here at about 9:30. He thudded up to the cave to get his wookie on in the meantime.
Pizza arrived, I yelled up there twice (hearing my voice ringing off the stalagtites) and grabbed a few slices.

........time passes..........


10:45 rolls around and....

IR - THUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUD - "Pizza get here?"

Me - "Yup"

IR - "O-rilly? What time?"

Me - "Bout an hour and a half ago."

IR - "O-rilly? Hm. hm. Figures."

Me - "I yelled up there twice."

IR - "Oh. Damned Bantha's make too much noise. "

Ooh.. It's an AMERICAN!

IR came down from the cave earlier, just after Michael Phelps had won one of his gold medals in the olympics and was on the medal stand. The national anthem was playing, and....




IR - "Listen to THIS!" (Hearing the anthem)

a few seconds pass.....

IR - "Ohhhhh... It's an American. No wonder!"





No, I'm NOT kidding.

Now THAT'S interesting......

A long while back, just after IR moved in, one of the stories he told me in an effort to convince me of his brilliance was that at a little burger joint in Texas that he used to frequent (what're the odds of breakfast, lunch and dinner?) he 'created' a new burger.

This was the burger of all burgers. Double patty, double cheese, grilled onions, bacon and chili. He called it "The Heartstopper". He explained how he ordered it everyday for weeks, and finally found (cornered) the manager and told him about this magnanimous meal. Apparently, the manager was so completely impressed by this whole presentation that he put it on the menu after telling IR what a genius he was.


Fast forward to tonight, and a virtual repeat of the same story, again........

Only this time, there's a twist! This time, it was a burger place employee that told him about the "Heartstopper". Told him that he'd been bringin one home every night for months. (He had to weigh 600 pounds, if an ounce...)

So, it would seem as though good ole IR STOLE the idea of the "Heartstopper", took credit for it being placed on a menu at some hole in the wall burger joint somewhere in Texas, and accepted lauds for his 'genius' in doing so.

Just pitiful..........

I made a terrible mistake tonight....

Was chatting with a friend on ICQ, and he was reading through some of the utter insanity on the DU forum. I went and checked it out, and I have to tell you people...


5 minutes in that place, reading that unfathomable stupidity is like 3 hours in the company of wookie boy. It's entirely unbelievable that people like that are allowed to breed.




But then again, we do need tards like those people to make the rest of us look even better, eh? ;)

Ok, let's say your cave gets hot.....

What do you want to do? Cool it off, right?

How do you go about cooling it off? You remove the hot air, right?

Now, here's your multiple choice question.

Where do you remove the hot air to?

a) Use a fan to blow it out the window. (Window is screened, so no bugs to worry about.)

b) Use a fan to blow it into the rest of the dwelling through your open door.





Do the math.

Oh those whacky Olympics....

IR - "Ya know, you should watch the olympics if you haven't been. Team USA got thier asses kicked by the Iraqi's or somethin. I thought they were supposed to, ya know, dominate like in uhhh.. '88."


*I'm not sayin SHITE!*


IR - "I wonder how John Kerry, ya know, woulda done the whole Iraq thing? I bet he would've gone over there himself and handed Saddam the keys to his, ya know, SUV."


*WTF??*

I removed his "water bottle" from the fridge today. He finally cleaned his mess up this morning, and by this afternoon the shite had leaked all over the place again. Some people simply don't get it..

Al Gore Jr.

Today in Louisiana, it's unseasonably cool. In fact, being the middle of August, it's oddly cool. This of course, can be attributed to the cool front that moved down on us from the northeast, as well as the appearance of 2 hurricanes south and southeast of us.
So, this morning I get treated to...

IR - "Man, that global warming is really wreaking, ya know, havoc on us, huh?"

Me - "Uhhh.. What?"

IR - "Well, ya know, that's the only explanation for it being cool like this. It's obvious that we, as humans, have done something horrible to this planet to create such a, ya know, problematic weather system."

Me - "Uhhh... What?"

IR - "Well, youknowwhutI'msayin, right? It shouldn't be possible for us to have this kinda of, ya know, weather, unless we've done something to screw it up, right?"

Me - "Holy shit.... Go to work...."

IR - "hm.. Well, think about it."

Me - "..............."

Dude... You gonna clean that up?

So a week or so ago, wookie boy gleefully showed off this "Refridgerated Water Delivery System" he bought.

It's a water bottle.

With a spout.

It's one that fits along one wall of the fridge, and goes front to back so it'll hold a gallon.

Problem A: The name. Only someone with the mentality of "OOOOOOOOOOOOOooo SHINEY!" would ever buy such a thing.

Problem B: The spout. It sits over the front edge of the shelf, right next to.... You guessed it.. The door.

He filled it with tea. With probably half of the sugar from the 5 pound bag in the cupboard.

When the door is closed and the "RWDS" isn't pushed all the way to the back wall, the little protrusion of the door shelf hits the spout just barely, causing it to drip.
What we had after only a few days was brown sticky tea drippings all down the inner door, in the bottom right crisper drawer, and a puddle of the crap on the bottom shelf above the crisper.

I kinda thought that moving all my drinks to the top shelf, (leaving the bottom one empty with it's pool of sticky tea) would be a broad enough hint to clean up the shit.

Then I thought that pulling the Cokes out of the soaked box and leaving it's misshapen, wet form on top of the garbage can might do the trick.

Finally, I had to actually tell this idiot to do it.

Me - "You gonna make any attempt to clean up that mess your tea made in the fridge?"

IR - *Looks compliant and concerned* "Oh, oh yeah. It'll just take some hot water and paper towels. I'll take care of it."

Then, this moron proceeds to stuff his face, and head right up to the cave, never touching his farkin mess.

How much are hitmen these days?

Get OVER it already.........

IR - "So, you haven't been tempted to download the, ya know, Star Wars Galaxies demo yet?"

Me - ".................no."

IR - "Hm. Well, I thought you might've, ya know, changed your mind about it."

Me - ".................no."

How does this work again?

Sometimes..... Don't ya wish you could redirect a train into someone's head?

I know I do.

So, there I was, mindin my OWN damned bidness, and wookie boy comes downstairs to tell me;

"uhhh.. There's a laptop down there (points to floor behind my chair). This guy at work wants it cleaned up, tuned up, make sure all the, ya know, extensions work for all the programs, clean all the crap off of it and make sure all the software, ya know, works. He said he'll pay you $30."

W...

T...

F...

???

First of all, I'M the only one that brings home work for me to do.
Secondly, I'M the only one that decides how much I'll charge for said work.

Screw that crap.......

Strange fascination....

I'm tellin ya. Ole IR has some odd fascination with pinning me down about something, anything I suppose. He's tried doing it several times before, one in particular about one morning when my car wouldn't start. (You'd have to see my car to understand.....) I had to call a friend to ask for a lift somewhere. A few minutes later, IR comes around the corner with a big ole shit eating grin on his face and says something along the lines of;

IR - "I couldn''t help but, ya know, overhear you telling him that your car wouldn't, ya know, start.. heeeehe eheeeeeeeh"

Me - "Yeah, and?"

IR - "heeeeeh heeeeeeeh ehheeeeeeeh Well, I mean, "it won't start", huh? heeeeh hheeeeeeeeeh heeehe heeehh"

Me - "If you'd like to try it yourself, here're the keys."

IR - "Oohhhh.. heeehh eheh heeeeeeh ................. You really meant that it won't start?"

Me - "..........."


But this time, it was just about what I had for lunch. You see, the other day, when IR was burning his teflon laden gruel on the stove, it was a particular brand of canned gumbo from a company called "Blue Runner". (There's lots of things to eat out of a can, but gumbo really shouldn't be on the list, even from a fine company like Blue Runner...) Today, I went into my hidden stash and got some Blue Runner Creole Style Red Beans, seasoned'em up the way they're supposed to be and mixed them in with some rice. It was a good lunch. About 1/2 hour later, IR ventures down from the cave and into the kitchen, looking for his next multi-poundage meal. After a minute, he sticks his head around the corner and announces,

IR - "I see you enjoyed some of that gumbo, huh?"

Me - "Huh?"

IR - "You had gumbo for lunch, huh?"

Me - "Nope."

IR - "Hm. hm."

Then he goes back into the kitchen. I was feeling none too charitable this time, so I asked...

Me - "What made you think I had gumbo for lunch?"

IR - "Oh, well, I just thought I, ya know, smelled it in here."

Me - "That's kinda odd since I haven't touched gumbo in a couplea years."

IR - "hm. Oh well, guess I was wrong."

Me - "Yup, guess so. You should try actually looking at the label on the can in the garbage. It'll tell you what I had without even having to ask."

IR - "hm... .... hm..."

You see, I already knew exactly why he asked. The can I opened and left emptied in the garbage can looked exactly like his from the other day. So he saw it, and decided to try and call me on it using his l337 assumptive powers.

What a maroon......

I think I've got dain bramage now....

Got home from work earlier today, checked email, played a little Doom 3, then went upstairs to gather my clothes for washing.
At the top of the stairs I could hear music of some sort. As I reached the top step, it became clear what kind of music it was...


Chicka chicka rewr rewr - beow beow <-- cue 70's style pr0n music






I've still got a case of the heebie-jeebies....

Oh meh Gawd.......

IR cranked up the stove last night to actually cook something. Of course, it ended up being something dumped out of a can, but that's beside the point.
I figured he'd just gone into the kitchen to get more fishsticks out of the omnipresent 500 count bag he gets at the local warehouse food place (lasts about a week, that does), until I heard the stove click on. Quietly, I opened the AC room door, retrieved the fire extinguisher and placed it next to my desk. After about 10 minutes of his rustling, thudding around and grunting (takes a lot of muscle to open a can, lemme tell ya) he seemed to finally get whatever it was in the pot and on the stove. Then the waiting game........ I hear the 'sssss' of boiling something-or-other, then something being dumped into it, then a metal spoon scratching around stirring the contents of the now semi teflon coated, used-to-be-non-stick pot. After a minute or so of that, he seemed to just sit back and watch it. 5 minutes later, I start smelling something burning and gently reach down to feel the reassuring coolness of the fire extinguisher tank next to my leg. Finally, he decides that it's created enough stench and turns the stove off and serves himself up.
Sitting down behind me on the couch, I am treated to a litany of smacks, slurps and grunts as the spoon reaches his gaping maw again and again until finally...
IR - "You oughta get you a bowl of this."

Me - "Nooo thanks. I ate already."




So I lied.


So sue me.

The new toy....

IR went out and bought a new DVD player today. He even waited until I was watching TV (not with my back to the door) before he went back out to his car and brought it in. Making a grand show of stopping to read the box in several places while uttering plenty of "hm. hm..'s", he proceeded to place it in a highly noticeable spot right next to the stairs. He never actually spoke out loud about it, as I believe he was attempting to get me to ask about it. 6 hours later, at approximately 11pm, and without a word spoken about it, he finally came down out of the cave to retrieve it. This time, he turned the overhead light on and verbalized several more slightly louder "HM.. HM.'s" while re-reading something on the box. I never even turned my head, much to his dismay I'm sure. hehe Then, off to the cave it went.

Yes, it could be characterized as rude, but I wasn't in the mood for psychological games.


*ps- I also thought, when I first saw what it was, that he had bought it to try to put down here on my TV. He's complained more than once about the X-Box's inability to fast forward through the credits at the beginning of some dvds, so I was expecting some sort of convincing speech about why we should put this one down here. You know, like "Well, ya know, I figured we could save the wear and tear on the X-Box and just use this for, ya know, movies, since it's more geared towards, ya know, games." or something. We'll see..........