Yes... I laughed...

I was informed a few minutes ago that...



IR - "Well, according to the, ya know, scales at the "Y" I've lost 1 whole, ya know, pound. I'm not surpised though since with all my, ya know, working out it's being replaced."


Me - "..................... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!"


What's it been, a couplea months? 1 POUND?? And just a few weeks ago he exclaimed that indeed he HAD lost weight. But, I guess a single pound does count...

Piddling?

I was told tonight that IR got his review at work and received a whopping .35 cent raise!
(That oughta tell you a little about who's work ethic is proper over there, eh?)

Being none to pleased about this development, he informed me that he was now going to go "piddle" with his resume.....



Again.....



For the 3rd or 4th time since he got this job......

Some brain recharging may be in order.....

IR was in the kitchen last night for one of his half dozen or so snacks, when he picked up my battery recharger and....



IR - "This'll work with, ya know, regular batteries, right?"

Me - "Nope, rechargeables only."

IR - "hm. hm.. I wonder when they'll make one for regular batteries...."

Me - "......."

Yesterday.... A day of Horrors!

Ohhhhhhh.... What a ruined day. Fortunately I had to work for 5 hours of the day so I missed some of it, but once I got home..................

IR decided to clear out all remnants of his "old life". Meaning, he went through all of his old saved crap and threw away most of it. Now, he could've simply brought the trash can upstairs and done it, but nooooooooooo... He had to bring all his crap down here armload after armload to sift and destroy it. And can you guess what my afternoon was like?


Here's a hint...


IR - "You gotta see this!"

IR - "Ever seen one of these?"

IR - "eeeeheeeeheeeeh I had forgotten about this."

IR - "BHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHURPHURPHURP! Check this out!"

IR - "Ahh, here's my old _________________"




All...



Fuckin.....



Day......

There's just no reason there....

No common sense kinda reason at least..

For the second night in a row, IR got home later than usual and carrying a Bag-O-Doom from McDonalds. (Both bags contained double quarter pounders, xtra large fries and drink)

His reasoning for it being "okay" to eat that slop?


"At least I worked out."


You may ask what it is about this that grates on my nerves so badly.....


It's that it's just another thing in a looooooong list of things that he chooses to do half-assed. In fact, the list isn't just long, it's complete. It's everything. The only thing, the ONE thing that he takes to completion..... Is eating.

That's it.

There is nothing else.

Even his "Faith" is greatly flawed. He talks as if his every waking moment is devoted to God, to pleasing Him and being a faithful servant to the Great, Glorious and Almighty Father.

But he only acts it when it suits him. He skips about every other church day, has forsaken his bible study group (found out that's what Tuesdays were all about), and spends most of his free time playing superhero in a video game. (Besides eating)

It can be quite maddening....

Revelations.... Queer or ironic?

Well, IR decided to come down here to watch tv tonight. Unfortunately, the movie "Revelations" was on....


IR - "So, do you think it's queer, or ironic, that they made a movie called Revelations during the end of days?"

Me - "........... End of days? You mean within the movie?"

IR - "No! We're, ya know, in the end of days right now! I was just reading of a prophecy that fortold mwah mah mah mwah mwah mwaaahhhh...."

^^ (Charlie Browns' teacher again...)

The fitness guru IR lets me in on a trade secret....

I came in tonight to find IR sitting at the table chowing on a double quarter pounder, extra large fries and an extra large drink. This being the second time in 3-4 days that I've seen this I had to ask.....


Me - "Health food again, eh?"

IR - "eeeeheeeeeheeeeeeh Yeah, but at least I worked out."

Me - *stopping dead in tracks* "Wait, you mean you worked out, then stuffed yourself with 4-500 calories?"

IR - "Well, SMACK SMACK, I only had about 200 calories during lunch, and my workout burned, ya know, uhhhhhh..... About 500 or so, so this shouldn't be too bad."

Me - *shaking head trying to clear out the funky logic* "So you're..... 300 calories behind, for the day?"

IR - "Something like that, well, I say behind, but really it's more of a minus."

Me - *looking at massive burger* "Not anymore it's not...."

IR - "eeeeeheeeeeeheeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeh smickity smackity slurpity"

Ok, the fingernail thing is getting wierd....

I don't believe that I've ever run across a male with such a propensity for odd obsessions.

The latest (in a long and distinguished list) appears to be the fingernails.

Behold the cleaning, clipping, buffing, polishing and PAINTING utensils of the IR..

Jesse McCartney, famous son of.....?

So, Disney channel was on and they were playing a Disney music video by Jesse McCartney.




IR - "I don't know why he bothers with this, it's not like his father isn't going to leave him millions."

Me - "What? His father?"

IR - "Well, yeah. He's a, ya know, McCartney."

Me - *rolls eyes* "Not from that line of McCartneys....."

IR - "oooooooohhhhhh"

Me - *shakes head*

*sigh* Again with the clipping of the fingernails....

I had to call down IR again tonight for the fingernail clipping crap. (He actually hadn't done it for quite a while, but that's not the point.)

Tonight, he snipped one off, zinged it across the room and hit my child with it. She yelped and I turned around to IR giggling and saying


IR - "That, was a fingernail!"

Me - *disgusted look* "Take the damned fingernails elsewhere to clip'em!"

IR - *very contrite look, then goes back to filing and buffing his fingernails*

I told him a while back when we had the first run-in with this, that if one of them ever hit me that I would hit him. Too bad I remembered that statement too late to really do anything about it

A matter of trust?

Interesting development this morning...

IR got up early for a Saturday (8:30am), went outside and started taking stuff out of his car.
Jesus books, bibles, a 10 pack of steno pads, assorted packages of snack materials, all kinds of stuff.
I had to ask what was going on, and.....

IR - "Well, I gotta, ya know, go get my oil changed, but instead of taking it to, ya know, like Walmart or somewhere where I can't, ya know, trust them not to overfill it, I'm gonna take it to this guy I've been going to since he opened cause I can, ya know, at least trust him to get the job done right."

Me - "But why are you taking everything out of your car? Aren't you going to wait on it?"

IR - "Well, just in case he's got a line waiting to be, ya know, serviced."

Me - "You've got someone coming to pick you up in that case?"

IR - "Oh noooo. They've got a waiting room."

Me - "........." *shakes head and walks away*




So, in summary, IR's going to get his oil changed at a place he trusts, but he's going to take everything out of his car in case they maybe forget to be trustworthy and steal something while he's in the waiting room.

No farkin WAY!!!!

It's 7:45am Tuesday morning.


Guess who just tromped downstairs and headed out the door at a steady trot?


*wait for it.....*









HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA
HHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA

I think in his newly rediscovered gaming intensity IR forgot to change his alarm clock!
He spent all night up in the bunker again, only coming downstairs long enough to nuke more #$%%^&^&* popcorn and almost run it back upstairs!

This should be somewhat funny....

I'm thinking that IR doesn' t know that the time changed last night. (Moved forward one hour.)
He came down tonight for his nightly 9:30 feeding, only it was 10:30. It's now about 11pm, and he's normally gone up to the bunker by 10pm.

Should be interesting in the morning to see him come down to go to work at 7:45 instead of 6:45, being 45 minutes late for work already..


What? You think I should tell him?



OOOooppps... Too late, he just creaked his way back up to the bunker.. MUAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!!!!


ps- I need to point out that he has spent quite literally 2 full days up in the bunker (missing church and everything) playing one or several of his new games. I only saw him come downstairs twice, (to eat) leading me to believe that he has at least one BIG food stash up there.



**UPDATE**
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
It's now 7:05am Monday morning. I don't hear any stirring from upstairs. Now, you may be asking why I find this so funny. It's not that he's late, it's that he's late because he's an IR.
Last night, he came downstairs and made that #$%^&&^* popcorn again. Meaning, of course, that he used the microwave. The correct time was clearly showing on the digital readout on the touchpad. There's also a big clock on the wall by the door that he walked past 3-4 times that showed the correct time. He was on his computer all day, which I know automagically adjusted the time, but in his IR-ness he missed all this.
I just heard the first stirring.... (It's 7:15 at this point) 1/2 an hour from now he'll be thudding down the stairs to ask "Up early?". Yeah, a typical "Here's your sign" question, to which I'll have to answer "Nope, I'm always up at this time." I'll betcha I get a "hm." in response.... hehehe


**UPDATE part 2**
Well, I was wrong about what would be said upon IR's arrival downstairs. Initially, it wasn't anything. He thudded downstairs, grabbed his keys and went straight out the door. I heard the key in the lock, then again and the door re-opened.

IR - "uuhh.. Wasn't this weekend.... uuhhh.... time change?"
*Apparently he noticed the difference in the amount of light outside.*

Me - "Yup"

IR - "So, then, what time is it, ya know, really?"

Me - *Looks at clock* "10 till 8"

IR - "Oh good grief!" *Shuts door*

Sometimes, life can be good......

Experiment night!

So, IR decided to come down from the bunker tonight at 11 pm and eat himself into a coma. I don't know what all he had because I left as soon as I heard the first can being opened.
But, I came back in later and he was splayed out on his couch, looking quite drowsy. I sat down at my desk and fired up one of my games (with headphones) and played a bit. About an hour later I pulled off the headphone to hear....


IR - "zzzzZZZZZz ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzscromp..smack...ZZZZZzzzz"

Along with the TV still goin strong.. The wheels started turning and I decided this would be a good time for a little experiment.
I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of "Gripz", tiny little Cheezit's. Coming back to my desk, I ripped it open, poured a small handful out and popped'em home.

Me - "crinch crunch crunch smackity smack smack, etc etc"

IR - "ZZZZZZZzzz zZZZZZz zZzzzzzZZZZZZ"

Me - "hm." *another mouthful* "CRUNCH CRINCHITY SMACK SMICKITY, etc"

IR - "ZZZZZzzz.... mmmmmmph... GRRRRRUUUUUUUNNNNTTTTTT" *up off couch*


IT WORKED!!! Even the SOUNDS of food will bring him out of a low caloric, high poundage induced comatose condition!!



I amaze myself sometimes... :b