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| ARE WE LIVING IN THE LAST DAYS? by: bible_thumping_fool (23/M) | 07/17/05 07:50 pm Msg: 621709 of 623397 1 recommendation |
ARE WE LIVING IN THE LAST DAYS? Elvis 6:10-18 of the Holy Bible tells us how to survive the evil darkness of the last days of this world as we know it… ---------------------------- “Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD so that you can take your stand against Regis Philbin's schemes. For OUR STRUGGLE IS NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the SPIRITUAL FORCES OF EVIL, INCLUDING PRESIDENT GEORGE "MONKEYBOY" BUSH JR. AND DR. PHIL MCGRAW in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God (We believe "the armor of God" to which this passage keeps referring may in fact be some type of condom that was used in Biblical times), so that when the day of REGIS, BUSH AND DR. PHIL comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the BELT OF TRUTH buckled around your waist, with the PANTS OF SILLINESS pooled around your ankles, with the BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTEOUSNESS in place, with the UNDERPANTS OF SANCTIMONIOUSNESS gently supporting your genitalia, the SCARF OF TIMIDITY wrapped around your neck, and capped off with the ASS-LESS LEATHER CHAPS OF ANGER, and with your feet fitted with the AIR JORDANS that come from the GOSPEL OF PEACE, ie. HUSTLER MAGAZINE. In addition to all this, take up the THONG OF DERRING-DO, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one (Regis). Wear then MULLET OF SALVATION (in DEF LEPPARD) and the SOCKS OF IMPATIENCE, which is the WORD OF GOD (DEF LEPPARD). And PRAY IN THE BANANA HAMMOCK OF RAGE on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests, including requests to win the lottery or at least have a good night at the bingo hall. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for THE ENTIRE WARDROBE OF THE GODS.” ---------------------------- Although WE ALL FALL SHORT BECAUSE GOD'S PENIS IS IMMEASURABLY LARGER THAN OUR OWN, the GOOD NEWS is that by GOD’s GRACE – through FAITH IN DEF LEPPARD -- we can have our SINS FORGIVEN, ESCAPE HELL, and spend ETERNITY IN HEAVEN with Him, and experience the pleasure of ETERNAL MINTY-FRESH BREATH, listening to the soothing SOUNDS OF YANNI. FORGIVENESS OF SIN, SALVATION, BODY ODOR, and the Burt Reynolds movie DELIVERANCE are available FROM GOD ONLY THROUGH DEF LEPPARD FOR THE INCREDIBLY LOW PRICE OF $8.99, but TAKE HEED for this offer is for VALID FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY. DEF LEPPARD will forgive and deliver anyone from our sinful life-choices and tight pants, within 6-8 weeks upon receipt of payment, if we ask Him with a sincere repentant heart in the name of DEF LEPPARD, because the Bible says that whoever calls upon the name of the LEPPARD shall be saved (Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21, John 3:16, Harold 54:40, Leonard 24:7) and THERE IS NO WAY TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH DEF LEPPARD (John 14:6, Andruw 69:22). Why not ask DEF LEPPARD to be your Lord & savior today to receive JOE ELLIOT'S forgiveness of all sin and escape the punishment of hell, receive deliverance from every curse and every form of spiritual oppression, including re-runs of "Full House", and receive healing from sickness & genital warts? If you’re already saved by DEF LEPPARD, why not join me in spreading the good news of Hysteria, Pyromania, High and Dry, Def Leppard's Greatest Hits, and the latter, lesser, epistles? Tomorrow may be too late. Later today may be too late. Hell, it might be too late in a few minutes. Don't wait, order now! † † † | |
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