John Kerry = War hero?

So there he was, sitting on the couch, picking his nose (No, I'm NOT kidding...) and watching some of the DNC coverage on the news (along with plenty of reporter commentary). He turns my direction, and........

"So, this uhhh.. John Kerry guy. He's a war hero. I mean, he is a, real, ya know, war hero. I mean, Bush is history. There's uhhh.. no way he can win now, since he never, ya know, really served. yaknowwhuimsayin? I mean, he was in the National Guard or somethin, but he, ya know, never showed up. So I'm afraid that we're about to have 4 years of John Kerry. If not, ya know, 8."




Oh....

My.....

God.....

Sorry, but I'm not ABOUT to get into trying to explain all this stuff to him. I'll just leave it to you to decide whether or not the media's "job" is being done...

Oh come on...............

Just remembered this one too, happened about a year ago.. Bad-mojo, my inspiration for writing this blog in the first place, was a witness to this.

First, you have to understand that I have no fashion or decorating sense, and I'm not well off, so I make do with what I can. In this case, it happens to be a bath towel of mine covering the glass part of the back door to the townhouse. (As opposed to shades or blinds.) It's a white bath towel, and I wash it every so often so it doesn't start lookin ratty. Well, I came home one day after helpin Mojo pack for his move to N. Carolina, and noticed several large black splotches on the towel which was still hangin over the door. I looked closer and they were simply large, heavy, black smudges. I turned to ask IR if he knew what had happened to the towel. He turned and with a big smile said, "heeh heeeeeh heeeeeh Well, I was kinda cleanin the kitchen, and didn't feel like lookin for a wash cloth, so I just grabbed that one. heeeh heeeeh eheeeeeeh"

"Uhhhhhh... No." I say. "You've got to be kidding me.". He tried to provide more explanation, but I don't recall what it was. I had to wash that damned thing 3 times to get the stains out.

Follow those actions, would ya? Gonna clean the kitchen (still hard for me to believe that one), then, cause it's too much work to look for the proper items to clean with, gonna grab a towel that's covering a window on a door. Next, supposedly clean the kitchen. Finally, put the filthy towel back over the window instead of in the friggen washing machine and washing it!

Un-effing-believable....

Psychotic... I'm tellin ya.

Well you can see my previous post and what it entailed, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna try to give you more than a brief description of the utter insanity that followed.
IR described his dream despite my indifference, and his verbage lasted for almost an hour. The physchotic tendencies shown were frightening to say the least.

Briefly;

"I believe this dream, since I've had it before, ya know, is trying desperately to show me something. There's a meteor shower or something that's destroying earth or whatever planet I'm on, ya know, and anyhow, there's these ships that come down and, like, ya know, there's this light, and everything goes, ya know, black, yaknowwhutI'msayin? So I'm beamed to this space station, or I travel there aboard the, ya know, ship and all the creatures there are, how can I say this, well, they're human, but I'm not sure if they're humans from my timeline or not. I may be dreaming this part in my dream, since everything is black, but I've got this, ya know, feeling that they're all human, yaknowwhutI'msayin? But I've got this feeling of nothing but respect. Pure respect. Nothing else. Anyhow, we're on this space station, and we're assigned the tasks we're going to perform, ya know, from now on. So then we're, ya know, transported to this planet, and ya know those cardboard houses? The ones that are made outta cardboard or some type of material, yaknowwhutI'msayin?, and they've got like this, ya know, dome shape? Well, I'm assigned one of those to live in, and given my job assignment. And there's these huge, ya know, planets orbiting around the moon or whatever planet I'm on, I mean HUGE planets, like they're right outside our atmosphere. You can see on thier surfaces all kinds of these wierd shapes or, symbols, that somehow have distinct meaning, like I know what they mean. And there's a ring of those space stations, like the one I was, ya know, on before, in a crescent shape all around my planet."

Man, there was so much more nonsense interjected in the midst of all that, I can't possibly type it all in. (Much less remember it all...) Emphasis is added where it was given verbally, and everything is paraphrased as best I could recall it. I honestly got the feeling that he believed in this dream and that it was some sort of prophetical vision.
Personally, I see it as a psychotic conglomerate of some of the movies he watches constantly. (He has hundreds....) Pitch Black, Starship Troopers, Signs, Independance Day, and a few more that I can't recall the names of.

Dreams....

IR - "Do ya ever have dreams that seem like prophecies?"

Me - "I almost never remember my dreams, if I have them at all."

IR - "Do ya ever have recurring dreams?"

Me - "..............."

IR - "You know what my dream was about?"

Me - "............."

It's a new record!!!

I decided tonight to time it.

It being, how long it took IR to bolt downstairs upon smelling food.

52 seconds from the time it left the microwave. I made some potato and garlic soup, knowing the smell would drift upstairs. I had barely made it to the table when I hear;

THUD...... THUD.... sniffsniff sniffsniff sniff.... THUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUDTHUD

IR - "Hm. sniffsniff Mashed potatoes?"

Me - ".............."

IR - "... Well, want some cold chicken?"

Me - "I've uh... Got, dinner.. See?"

IR- "Ohhhh... I see! Soup?"

Me - "No thanks, got some."

IR - "Hm. ...Hm."

He then proceeded to grunt his way into the kitchen to fetch his bucket o'cold chicken, then groan his way to the couch to scarf it.


*I have mentioned that almost every movement of his is accompanied by a grunt or a groan of exertion, haven't I?

Pretty slow business for this blog lately....

But, I really can't complain. It's been blissfully quiet since apparently IR has forgone many of his late night scarfings, and settled for one single dinner fit for 3.
I strongly suspect though, that he's got another 5 pounds of CHOOOOs up there in the cave, as well as assorted other munchies measured in pounds.

Well, back to your regularly scheduled surfing then, there's nothing more to see here.

Till next time!!

Dancing. More dangerous than you think....

Last night I heard a pretty big CRASH from upstairs, and hearing nothing afterwards but some shuffling around, figured IR had knocked something off his wookie desk or something.

Later, after he made his way downstairs for one of his nightly scarfings, I found out the truth.

During a rousing game of Star Wars Galaxies, in which his dancer character somehow got involved in a fire fight, (figure that one out, eh.. Pirouette reverse back dodge into arabesque firing position 2?) , he got somewhat animated in his physical defense of his french like cyber-character and fell out of his chair. He even had the large scratch on his knee to prove it. (From the corner of the desk as he tumbled floorward.)

Lazy, personified.....

This actually happened a while back, but I just remembered to post it.

One day, IR came in from shopping and took great pride in showing me one of his aquisitions. 2 packages, one with 36 metal spoons and the other with 36 metal forks inside. Normal, everyday eating utensils. Now, understanding IR's sense of utter and complete slackability when it comes to doing his dishes, I had to ask, "This isn't just 72 more things to throw in the sink before you have to wash your dishes, is it?"
The response was priceless. "Uhhh.. Hm. .... Hm.. Uhhh.. ..........I guess you're right." then the inevitable tossing into the secondary utility drawer unopened. All I could do was shake my head and walk away.

An apparently religious experience....

Well, IR got home, and immediately started yakking about some pretty useless stuff tonight. HUGE 12" straws at CircleK and how they'd put someone's eye out, the idea that John Kerry has become "an African without the hyphen American".

But finally I got treated to a story about his brother in law, who is some kind of wannabe religious fanatic. His 'thing' is to pick apart everything about the bible as "he reads it".

Tonight, he was apparently all worked up about someone in Texas finding a petrified footprint of a dinosaur that had a human footprint inside it. (Dinosaurs came before humans, as far as all the scientific stuff i've read says....) But, this was absolute fanatical proof that dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time.

The conversation went something like this.

IR - "I was talkin with my brother in law about this footprint they found in, ya know, Texas. It was petrified of course. It had a, ya know, human footprint inside it though, which.... how can I say this... Well, it completely disproves the idea that humans and dinosaurs never lived at the same time."

Me - "Really? So, it couldn't have been that the dinosaur footprint was made in a compound of clays or something, that never fully petrified by the time humans got here, and got wet or something before it got stepped in again?"

IR - "Uhhh... Ummmm.... Hm. Hmm... Well, if it was a hundred million years or so, ya know, it would've petrified."


Me - "That's quite possible, but it assumes that you believe the theoretical scientific timeline given for the earth's lifespan thus far. It also assumes that what's seen is actually a dinosaur footprint, and not one of some large alligator or other reptilian that's survived all this time."

IR - "Hm.. Hm. Well, at least it proves something."

Me - "What's that?"

IR - "Well, ya know, that dinosaurs were around either before or during the time that humans first showed up."






So that's proof???? Holy crap.....

Today's "called" items.....

Let's see.. So far we have;

1) Bread in the bread maker.

IR "What's that, raisin?"
Me "Nope"
IR "Ohhhh.. Blueberry!"
Me "No."
Finally he looks at the box that's about 2 feet from his head.


2) Game I'm playin on the computer.

IR "Hm hm World War II Online?"
Me ".................Flight Simulator." (btw, it was an F-14 Tomcat I was flyin, in 3rd person view)
IR "Ohhhhh"

3) The cheesecake on the counter.

IR "Where'd you get this AngelFood cake?"
Me "I don't have any AngelFood cake."
IR "Oh.. hm. hmm. Poundcake, huh?"
Me "*heavy sigh* No."
IR "Hm. Ohhh I see! Cheesecake!"

Why me?

Well, IR continues to try to get me to accept ahgruhs and wookies. He brought home this Dungeons and Dragons interactive DVD and almost demanded that I watch it. When I (as politely as I could) told him to bugger off, he popped it into the X-Box down here and fired it up. (As opposed to taking it up to the wookie cave where it belongs...)
About every 5 minutes I got to hear, (heeeh heeeh heeeeh heeh heeeeh*) "Watch this!"
I turned once, saw the giant flying one eyed monster with big teeth beating up on a couple of armor covered, sword wielding guys, then went back to what I was doing. Of course, he had to 'call' everything he saw. The monster was "Ahhh.. A beholder!", the spells were "magic missile. heeeh heeeh heeeh" and "hold person?" And of course, the characters were druids, clerics and a paladin.




*You have to hear his "laugh" to understand it. In fact, why not try it yourself?
First, open your mouth.
Now, breath in and out quickly through your mouth.
There ya go!
Doesn't that make you want to toss a chair through someone's head?

Ahh!!! The insanity!!1!111

Why.... Why can't some people just ask if they want to know something. Why do they insist on trying to figure it out for themselves when it's already proven that they're wrong 90% of the time, at least!

I'm sitting here eating a quiet Pancho's dinner, (Beef enchiladas, rice, flautas and stuff)and IR walks up behind me (I knew he'd come a runnin once he smelled food), stops, stares for a few seconds, does the "dog sniff©"* and asks, "Hm. Taco Bell?". I bit my tongue to keep from responding the way I'd like to with "No you farkin idiot! Does this LOOK like Taco Bell??? Do you SEE any Taco Bell bags or wrappers around???" but instead I paused for a second to get my teeth unclenched from my tongue and just said "Panchos". "Hm.... Hmm...." he says and walks into the kitchen to load up a dinner plate 3 stacks deep with fish sticks.
Now, my question is, why the hell can't he learn to simply ask "Whatcha got?", or just go about his business and not worry about it? I wouldn't have any problem with that, but nooooooo..... This type of thing is constant. It doesn't stop, ever. Anytime there's anthing new around, in my possession or otherwise, it has to be 'called'. *rollseyes*


* You have to experience the 'dog sniff©' to understand what I mean. Everytime IR smells something new, or not what he expects, he turns into a bloodhound. "sniff sniffsniff sniff" ...... "sniffsniff snifff"
I had to ask once what the deal was with the 'dog sniff©' thing, and he replied "Just accessing that part of the brain."

Well, it's good to know that at least one part of it is accessible.....

Lest I forget this little nugget.....

Once upon a time, IR was trying to convince me to play one of his "ahgruh" games. He even went to far as to tell me "What we'll do is, we'll load EverQuest on your machine, and you can play on my account so you can get a feel for it...", and this after me telling him many, many times that I'm not interested in that kind of game.
I play simulation type games, based in some sort of reality. It's just what I like, that's all.
So, after telling him for the final time "I don't play those games!", he replies "Oh I see.. You don't like to use your imagination, do ya?"

I use my imagination every time I play a game. I imagine I'm in Belgium in 1941, fighting off the Axis advance into France, or in a modern fighter jet defending my country from some foriegn army, or even flying a simple jetliner from my home town's airfield to 'somewhere'.

So yes, I do like to use my imagination, but as I told him, "I use my imagination for things a little closer to reality. It makes it a lot more believable."

It's clean!

For the first time in a year, IR is cleaning out the wookie cave. So far, 3 bags of trash have come down, 2 loads of laundry are being done, the vacuum cleaner has been run, TWICE, and lots of supposedly hot water has run through the bathroom faucets.

That's a 10x12 room folks....

*Correction* A third load of laundry is currently being done, and the vacuum cleaner has been run a third time. In addition, the dish washer was emptied for the first time in at least 3 months. Simply amazing....

Cobbler?

I have a peach tree in the backyard. So every year, we get a load of peaches to make this and that.. Pie, cobbler, ice cream, etc.

"I'm gonna get Taylor to pick some peaches tomorrow."

IR - "Peaches?"

"Yeah, from the peach tree?"

IR - "Ohhhhhhhh"

"I think next time she comes, I'll get some ice cream mix, salt and stuff so we can use the ice cream maker."

IR - "cobbler?"

"............ Ice cream."

IR - "Peach ice cream?"

"............ yes."

IR - "Ohhhhhhh"

PINNACLE!!!!

I think we've reached it here, finally... This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard, so everybody sit down, don't want you falling over laughing and hitting your head or anything.


IR went out and bought a remote thermometer. It's got a sending unit, and a receiver with an alarm on it if the temp goes above or below a set temperature.

Now, there are a lot of uses for such a tool.

Remote monitoring of a heat sensitive device...
Early morning idea of what the temp is outside, allowing you to dress appropriately..

Well, maybe there's not a lot of uses, but there's some.

Here's what he bought it for.


He put the sending unit downstairs in the kitchen and took the receiver up to his wookie cave. The idea of this is, to alert him if it get's too warm down here, so that he'll notice that it's too warm up there.

I SHIT YOU NOT!!!!

Paraphrased from last night's conversation about it..

"Well, ya know, I figured I'd monitor the temperature down here and if the alarm, ya know, goes off... "So that's why it's so hot up here!""

This is with the consideration that it's usually between 5-10 degrees hotter upstairs, and in the wookie cave, probably 4-8 degrees above the norm due to the little beer fridge and 2 computers.

Double You Tee Eff, eh?!?!?!